Project 5 – ANGER – Safeer Aziz
More than 50 years ago, Mahatma Gandhi said: Anger is a sort of madness and the noblest causes have been damaged by people affected with this temporary lunacy. In a recent survey, 20% of the people confessed to being angry enough to “hurt” some co-worker in the last six months! If this is so in the workplace, anger will be more destructive in our social, personal and spiritual spheres of life.
We all know what anger is, and we’ve all felt it: whether as a fleeting annoyance or as full-fledged rage. Anger is a completely normal human emotion. It cannot be eliminated and it won’t be a good idea if we eliminate it. In spite of all our efforts, things will happen that will cause anger.
The natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. But we don’t lash out at every thing that irritates us. Laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far we can express our anger. When these three doesn’t check the anger, that’s when someone or something is going to get hurt. And that’s where anger management comes into the picture. The goal of anger management is to reduce both our emotional feelings and the physiological changes, like high blood pressure & heart rate, caused by anger. When anger gets out of control, it can lead to problems and effect the overall quality of our life. I’ll now tell you some simple techniques of anger management.
The first thing we can do is to calm down. If both partners in a relationship are hot-tempered, it might be a good idea for both to calm down. Simple relaxation tools can help calm down angry feelings.
Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm.
Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as “relax,” “take it easy.” Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply.
When angry count ten before you speak, if very angry count a hundred.
Use imagery; visualise a relaxing experience, from your memory or your imagination.
Angry people jump to conclusions, and many of those conclusions can be wrong. The first thing to do if you’re in a heated discussion is slow down. Don’t say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your own time before answering.
Change atmosphere: If partners tend to fight while discussing things at night, try changing the time and the location when you talk about important matters, so that talks don’t turn into arguments.
Avoidance: If the room of our child makes us angry every time we walk by it, shut the door. Don’t look at what infuriates us. Don’t say, “well, my child should clean up the room so I won’t have to be angry!” That’s not the point. The point is to keep us calm.
Finding alternatives: If driving through heavy traffic leaves us in a state of rage and frustration, make it a point to take a different route, one that’s less congested or more scenic. Or find another alternative, such as a bus or commuter train so that we remain cool.
Life will be filled with frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others. We can’t change that; but we can surely change the way such events effect us. Controlling our angry responses can keep us happy in the long run. Remember, for every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.